Confused

CONFUSEDI will call him Alex to protect his real name. I met Alex at a new job I started in Nov. of 2016. Alex had just turned 21 in June. As time went on that year me and Alex became very good friends. Alex was about 5'6 and around 130 lbs. He had green eyes and reddish hair he would comb it to the right in the front I used to make him mad by calling him little Justin Bieber. This k** was so beautiful and he didn't have to work on it . It came natural to him but he didn't brag about it . Alex didn't have a steady G/F he told me many times he did not want tied down. With that body I could see why ! On July of 2017 on a weekend Alex came over to drink beer and watch a NASCAR race. I was sitting outside with my roommate and neighbor when he pulled in and when he got out I all but feel over. All Alex was wearing was a pair of silky shorts and flip flops. When he came in my roommate followed and I had asked him to give me some space on this one so he went to visit his sister. Our living room is kinda small we only have a couch and 1 chair to set in. So me and Alex sat on the couch at either end. As we both drank Alex really started to relax he stretched his legs out on the couch putting his bare feet against my leg. Alex had the cutest little feet about 8-8 1/2 and my first thought was do I or don't I ? I got up to get us another beer and when I sat down I just put his feet on top of my leg I was already so hard ! I began to message his bare feet and to my amazement he liked it and said it felt good. About a hour and a half and 3 beers later it was his idea for me to message his back. So we went to my room so he could stretch out on the bed. As I was messaging Alex's back I could see I was putting him to sleep. I started to shake my whole body because I didn't know what to do ? So I went back downstairs and drank another beer and smoked a cigg to think. I went back upstairs and Alex was sound asleep so I closed the blinds and went and sat by his side. I reached out to gently to touch his back with no response. I ever so gently turned Alex on his back and really started shaking. I was confused on what to do ? I gently put my hand on his cock and slowly messaged it and he got hard so quick. I started cumming all over my leg. I slowly ran my hand up the leg of Alex's shorts to feel bare nuts OMG he was not wearing underwear. I pulled the leg of his shorts up to revel the nicest nuts and hard little cock I've ever seen and he was as hairless as me. I tasted my best friends cum that day and he never knew it happened. However I later thought of what I could have lost. My best friend and my job ! It is actually hard for me to face him knowing I had given him oral sex. I made a promise to myself never to drink or even smoke again. I would love for that magical moment to happen again but we BOTH would have to be sober. I love my Best Friend to much for it to be any other way! P.S. to this day I have not drank alcohol or smoked. KNOCK ON WOOD. Hope ya like it LOVE U GUYS