its-all-about-love-7

Subject: It's All About Love Chapter 7 It's All About Love Part 7 Comments welcome at ail Please remember to donate to the website As I walked back into the hospital as usual my mind was just spinning with so many things running through it. My guilt, my fear, my love, my insanity that it was almost too much for words and I really did want to just collapse again. But I suddenly remembered something that Preston had said to me a long time ago. "Dad, no matter where I am, who I am with or what I am doing, I will always love you, you will always be my best friend. Don't ever forget that." It is a statement that is not unlike Preston, I knew he meant what he said. I just wonder if I can take that with me going forward. Was it enough to keep me sane regardless of the current or future situation? I have my doubts about it. I've always considered myself to be a relatively strong person, somewhat successful, I made it through high-school, through college and law school as a father. Built my own law firm while raising him on my own, I watched Preston grow up to be the man that he had become. One of physical strength, strong minded, would accept nothing but success. And yet looking at all that, here we are, I'm falling apart and he's barely alive. It just made no sense to me whatsoever. As I walked out of the elevator and into the ICU, I left the craziness in my head and came back to preparing myself to look at my son again. As I pulled the curtain back in his bay, I found my parents sitting there next to the bed, quietly speaking to each other until they looked up at me. I couldn't read their faces, wasn't sure that I wanted to. "Sean, how are you doing? I'm glad you went outside for a little while." "Kind of a stupid question Mom don't you think?" It was a rude statement, but I didn't care. "Any updates or changes?" "No, but the doctor said he would be back in later this afternoon to give an update on his status." I just nodded my head and then pushed my mom out of the way, leaned over and kissed Preston on the head and then straight on the lips. I didn't care who saw or what they thought, I wanted to do it. I needed to do it. Hell, I didn't know if I'd ever get to do it again. But in doing it, it sent a shiver through my spine. That was actually the first time I had ever done that. I had never previously had the opportunity to kiss him on the lips without the worry of their being any repercussions if Preston had been awake or even asleep and possibly waking up. But he lay here now in a coma -- was it taking advantage of a horrible situation? Yes. But again, I didn't care. After I finally sat back down, I didn't even realize that my parents had walked away, but I was glad that they had. I again wanted to be alone with Preston. I just sat there again, with his hand in mine, praying that he would come back to us, and also picturing what it would be like if my original dream did come true. It was a sick and twisted thought at this moment in time, but one that I could not stop from happening. I dreamed of us together as father and son and as a couple who loved each other dearly. Every morning I would wake up with his strong arms wrapped around me and him licking the lobe of my ear and whispering that he loved me. And then flipping over and shoving my tongue down his throat and making passionate love to him. Licking his body up down, tasting every single inch of him and savoring the deliciousness of him. Just as I was about to suck that big cock of his down my throat, he would sit up and push me off and onto my back roll on to me so that we could look deep into each other seeing the desire and him whispering to me, "I love you so much" Then before I even had a chance to respond to it, he leaned in and kissed me with such passion and heat at the same time stroking and rubbing me all over. He pulled back and looked into my eyes again with a devilish smile. All I had to do was smile and in two movements my legs were over his shoulders and he shoved his cock right into me hole. It felt so fucking good that I just moaned and groaned and begged for it harder and harder. The louder I moaned the harder he fucked until finally he roared as he came inside me. Just as I was finishing izmit escort bayan that dream, I was shaken from my thoughts by someone tapping on my shoulder. I looked up and saw the doctor standing there with a stack of papers in his arms. I was so nervous at that point I had no ideas what to think. I had my fears of what that stack of papers might be. Actually I wasn't even sure that I wanted to know. "Good afternoon Mr. Harris." "Hello Dr. Jensen, I'm hoping that you come bearing good news." Once again there was no real expression on his face. "Well, I have reviewed Preston's vital signs and brain activity since we lifted the sedation. I don't see any reason that he should not wake up. We do have the option of giving him a stimulant to attempt to wake him, but that also runs the risk of forcing other issues, so I am tentative to do that but if you want to, we can do so. Secondly, as we had discussed earlier, even with reviewing all of the latest readings, it is still unclear as to what will return once he wakes. So, the decision that needs to be made right now is whether or not you would like to try the stimulant or wait longer to see if he wakes on his own." I just sat there staring at this man. I wanted to wake him now. I needed to see his eyes, but I also didn't want to take any chances of anything worse happening. I was so torn, but selfish at the same time. However, this time it was the selfishness that won out. "Let's try the stimulant. I'm not sure I can wait much longer before I wind up in the psych ward myself." He just nodded his head and walked away to get the meds to wake him. Now, if my nerves hadn't been frayed before, they were on fire now. Because, this was going to be a turning point to see what we were dealing with. As the doctor returned with another IV bag, I watched him hook it up and the medication start to flow into his body. "Give it about 10 minutes to take effect and we should see some movement." I just nodded and he then walked away. I just sat there frozen staring directly at his eyes waiting for them to open, to see into him for the first time in months. It again felt like another dose of torture just waiting to see what was going to happen. Was he going to be able to move? Talk? Breathe? There was no answer to any of those things just one of those wait and sees. Actually, I didn't know which type of torture was worse just being there looking at him and knowing what had happened or sitting here and just waiting for him to wake up. Probably the latter. But just as I was wallowing in my misery of all of this, I finally felt a small pressure on my hand. It was slight but my head immediately snapped up to look at Preston's face. No open eyes but it looked as if his mouth was making movements. "Preston? Can you hear me?" No response "Preston, it's dad, I'm here with you." Still no response at all. But I could still tell there was movement inside of his mouth. "Preston, if you can hear me squeeze my hand." Then it happened. A slight squeeze of my hand. That's all it took. I started bawling, he was alive, he could hear me, hell he could understand me. I slapped myself to look back at his face. There they were. Those beautiful emerald green eyes. However, these eyes looked exhausted and painful. Not surprisingly of course, but it was still such a relief to see him. To see his eyes. I looked directly into them, into him. I could see the pain he was in, and it just killed me. I wish I could take it all from him, I didn't want him to feel pain or discomfort. Clearly at this point he still could not speak verbally, but I could also tell that he did understand what was being said to him "Oh Preston, it is so good to see you. I am so happy that you are awake. I have been so worried and upset and terrified over all of this. And I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I wish it could have been me. I-" As I was continuing, I felt him squeeze my hand again, just a little tighter this time. I looked into him trying to read him, to see what he was trying to say to me. All I could say was, "I love you Preston. I love you so much and I will not be leaving your side until you walk out of here with me. I will never izmit eve gelen escort leave you or let you get hurt ever again." He squeezed my hand again. I was at a point of relief and fear all at the same time. I was relieved that he was finally awake and seemed to be cognitive to some degree. But at the same time, I feared the fact that he might not ever be able to talk again. Let alone anything else. As I was sitting there in my nutty world of thoughts and possibilities, I felt my hand get squeezed again. I quickly looked up at his eyes, I don't know why but even after just a few minutes they looked a little brighter. "I'm here Preston, what can I do for you? Do you want more pain medication? Do you need me to get the nurse?" He just squeezed my hand again. I guess it meant to go and get the nurse, so I got up to go get the nurse, but he squeezed my hand again but tighter. I turned around again to look at him trying to figure out what he wanted. As I was staring directly into his eyes, his hands still holding mine, he pulled his hand along with mine closer to his chest. As I inched closer to his face, to the point of our noses almost touching he very slowly, and in a whisper said, "I love you Dad." It was the most wonderful 4 words I had ever heard. I didn't care how they were meant or in what context just that he was able to say it. I pulled back a little bit still keeping contact with his eyes and said, "I love you too Preston, very, very much. I can't tell you how happy I am to see you awake again." I was curious though if he remembered anything of what happened, it would give me some idea where his was and how bad or good things were starting off to be. "Do you remember what happened?" He looked at me and slowly nodded yes. That in itself made me smile. Maybe things were not as bad as everyone had predicted that they might be. He seemed to have some memory, and it looked like he had some movement at least of his arms and hands. At the same time I could see how tired he was even from just a few minutes of movement and speech. "Preston rest, I'm not going anywhere, you just rest, let yourself heal as much as you can. I will not leave your side." He gave a slight smile and then closed his eyes. It may have only been a few minutes of communication, but it was the best minutes I'd had in months. I got to see his eyes and talk to him knowing he heard me and also knew that everyone's predictions of him being unable to do anything were somewhat wrong so far. Also, now knowing that he was awake, there was no time frame on how long things were going to take, I had to make a call to the partners in my law firm to take over my clients indefinitely because there was definitely no way I was leaving Preston's side until the day he walked out of here and then for a while at home as well. Just as I had finished my call, both my parents and Mike walked back into the unit. I almost jumped out of my chair and ran to hug them all and tell them the good news that Preston had woken up and was able to communicate. It was a mountain of stress that had finally be lifted -- not to say there that there wasn't a huge amount more, but in my eyes, this had been the biggest worry of mine -- whether or not he would wake up. During all the commotion, none of us had realized that Preston had opened his eyes again and was staring at all of us. Again, you could see the pain in his eye's but they were open and he was cognitive. "Oh Preston! I can't believe you're awake! So good to see you!" His grandmother was just babbling away, Preston tried to smile but kept his eyes on mine. Just by the way his eyes were squinting I could tell that he was trying to tell me something. "Mom, calm down. He's tired already. Just give him time to breathe. I already pressed the call button the doctor will be coming in soon anyway so just take it easy." She turned to me and gave me the dirtiest look. "He's my grandson, I'll say what I want." Thankfully, just before this turned into an argument the doctor walked in. "Preston, I'm Dr. Jensen and will be your doctor for the duration of time that you are here. It's good to see your eyes open." He just blinked at him izmit otele gelen escort and then looked towards me as the doctor continued to ramble on. I knew that look in his eyes, it was basically, a `shut him up already.' I just chuckled at that and shook my head no. But it was more proof to me that Preston was there, maybe not in good physical shape, but mentally he was there. Dr. Jensen finally stopped talking just to Preston and turned to me, "Mr. Harris, I must say that I am extremely encouraged that Preston has come along as far as he has in such a short time after lifting the sedation. He seems cognitive and quite responsive. But again, I am also very cautious about what else will come back. But as it is now, it seems very promising. I will be checking in on a constant basis." It was comforting at the same time hurtful too, as if he was staying don't expect anymore than this. But me being who I am, refused to believe that. Preston will come back and come back full force. "Dr. Jensen is there any way that we can get him moved into a private room?" He very quickly responded, "I'm not comfortable doing that just yet. He needs to be under stricter watch in the event there is a problem." I just nodded and he walked away. I looked at Preston, then at my parents and Mike, there was a silence between all of us from hope, depression, stress and truthfully exhaustion. We all knew it was going to be a very long road to recovery, but there would be recovery. As the days and weeks started to pass by, Preston was making progress, but it was very slow and painful. Each piece of his body was slowly healing. His bones were healing and resetting, we were able to remove the bandaging from around his head. However, there was one thing that still hadn't come back. He still couldn't speak. His only way of communication at this point was through writing. It was frustrating as all hell but at the same time relief. Every single day Preston would write and ask, "I'm never going to be able to talk again am I?" I could do nothing more than say, "I don't know, but don't give up hope. You know that the doctor has said that there was still possibility. Just don't give up. You still have your whole life ahead of you." He just stared at me and then turned his head towards the wall and then wrote, "Dad, don't be stupid it's almost 2 months now I can't speak and I can barely move my limbs. I've had enough already. I just can't do it anymore. I don't want to do it anymore. This is not a life worth living if this is the way I have to do it." I again, was speechless. I knew what he was saying. I didn't want to believe it, but I knew it. And what scared me even more was that if he really got something in his head he often did it. "DON'T YOU DARE PULL THAT SHIT WITH ME." I almost screamed at him. "You do that, and not only does the family and world lose you, they lose me too." He just looked at me shocked. I had never yelled at him before. And then he threw another wrench at me and wrote, "Well, at least that way we'd be together forever." When I read it and then looked back at him, he had this half smile and cringe at the same time. It was a look of happiness and pain. "Really?" "Yes. I think I always have. I just didn't want to accept it. But there's no denying it. I love you. I'm in love with you." As I read that last sentence, the tears began to flow. It was at that very point in my life that I was the happiest I had ever been. I looked directly into his beautiful emerald eyes. I saw him, I saw his heart I saw the love that I knew was there all the time. He lifted his hand and started to wipe my eyes. "Preston, I love you so much. You have no idea what this means. You're going to survive this. We're going to leave here hand in hand. I know it." He just smiled and pulled my head towards his until our noses were touching and finally after years of praying and pining and wanting, I kissed my son -- for real not as father and son but as a lover. I didn't care who saw, I pushed my tongue into his mouth and got his back. I was hard in seconds, hell I wanted to rip my clothes off and make love to him right there. As our lips parted and I sat back our eyes remained locked and he had that smile on his face that I hadn't seen in so long. He let go of my hand and picked up the pen to write something but as he was writing his hand began to shake. "Preston? Preston what's wrong?" I looked up at his eyes, they had gone white. "PRESTON!! NO, STAY WITH ME!!"