The Heartbreak Diaries: Melinda Chevalier

January 10th Dear Diary, I am missing him. Again.It has been a few weeks since I last heard his voice and my heart aches to hear it again right now. I feel a deep sadness and it has fully taken hold of me today. I feel almost desperate to hear his laughter and be the one to bring him joy. I want to hear all about his day and have long conversations on subjects we have discussed a million times before. I want to talk about the impossible dream of a life we could have together. I want to hear him say that he loves me just as much as I love him. But I can't because he does not love me. That Escort Pendik fact is heartbreakingly true. He loves someone else and a future together is something that could never be achieved no matter how much effort is put forth. I fully grasp the reasoning to which I cannot have the man I want and I understand that he wishes to have someone else for his wife but I keep finding myself unable to let go, despite knowing full well that I need to lock his memory away for my sanity. I find myself refusing any advances of romance or love. Despising them, even. Beykoz escort I have noticed myself becoming hateful and bitter. I hate that I was not good enough to deserve his love and have found myself sitting and wondering what was wrong with me. He has turned me into a person that I am not and I can slowly feel more and more of myself slipping away. Still, I pathetically dream of him and the life I so desperately wish to live with him and only him. I think of a life full of unconditional love and happiness. I wish to come home to a house full of Cevizli escort bayan our memories together, the hardships we overcame to be together and all the delights that followed. I dream of Christmas mornings and hearing our children run into the living room to see if Santa had come. I dream of a daughter and a son playing outside with him, chasing them through the garden and playing hide and seek. I long to lay on his chest at the end of the day just to hear his heart beating and find that the rhythm of my own beat is synchronised with his. I want to wake up every morning next to him and breathe in his scent as I hug myself against his back, to wake him with soft kisses on his shoulder and up his neck before making him mine in the most intimate of ways. Thinking of taking him roughly, passionately and in every other way in between has become one of my guilty pleasures.